INTERLUDE: Nuggets from the local pub universe

ENGLISH PUB TURNED INTO AMERICAN THEMED BAR
A pub in Ilfracombe will be turned into an American-themed sports bar. The Queens Tardis Bar has been bought by Mike Khoo and will re-open on Saturday, December 19. Mr Khoo’s son-in-law, Jay O’Beirne, will manage the new pub. Jay said it would be renamed as Buddy’s Sports Bar, with a blue, red and white colour theme and grilled American food. I genuinely wish them well, but what's wrong with a proper old pub?

THIS IS WHAT PUB LANDLORDING IS ALL ABOUT
A pub landlord is doing a barrel run to raise money for South Molton Rugby Club. Paul Breese, of the Tiverton Inn, in East Street, will carry the 11 gallon barrel on Saturday, November 7, with a musical van and supporters. The run will start at 1.30pm from outside the inn, arriving at the rugby club for the start of Saturday’s game. As far as I know, the barrel will not be full of flaming tar but with pub landlords, you never know.

WHAT WILL THE FUTURE BRING FOR THIS 15TH CENTURY BOOZER?
A 15th century grade two listed Bideford pub is up for sale at £315,000. The Appledore Inn in Chingswell Street is a traditional "drinks-led" community pub that hosts regular quizzes and meat draws. I always think "meat draws" sounds like some kind of medieval torture: it's time for the meat draws for you, you errant lightbrain!

CELEBRITIES I'VE NEVER HEARD-OF HAVE GOOD TASTE IN PUBS AND BEER
A "celebrity" couple were believed be staying in North Devon, my newspaper tells me. Hornblower star Ioan Gruffudd and his actress wife Alice Evans, who appears in hit US series Lost, visited a pub in Mortehoe on Saturday and Sunday with their baby daughter, who was born in September. The couple enjoyed a drink in the Chichester Arms on Saturday and Mr Gruffudd asked staff for a recommended ale. Wise barman Jamie Archer said: “They were very polite and friendly. I recommended Proper Job, an ale from St Austell.” Mr Gruffudd and his wife returned to the pub on Sunday and enjoyed lunch. They reportedly asked to have a bar mat to take away as a memento. Cheeky. Welsh-born Mr Gruffudd, 36, stars as Mister Fantastic in The Fantastic Four and also portrayed Tony Blair in the George Bush biographical film W. Alice Evans, 38, is best known for the character Eloise Hawkings in Lost. I have absolutely no idea who these people are, but Proper Job is a sublime scoop of ale, so well done Jamie.

FILL YOUR BELLIES, FILL YOUR BOOTS, BUT £2.50 SEEMS A BIT TOO CHEAP, EH?
A Combe Martin pub has launched a "winter warmer menu" for people struggling in the recession, with meals on offer for £2.50. The Castle Inn gives people a choice of 11 different meals for just £2.50. The offer, which runs everyday between midday and 9pm and will last until April, also includes any pint of your choice for an added £2.50. Good for him - playing the Wetherspoon's at their own game. I only hope he can win this round.

A courgette, a banana, plastic window frames, and a lesson from the Holy Land

You know you're tired when it takes two hours for the thought "why is there a black banana in the fridge" to become "it's not a black banana in the fridge; it's a courgette, a green courgette. I have never seen a black banana in our fridge ever before".

I hadn't had more than four hours of consecutive sleep in about two years, so maybe my guard was down. For what other reason was I about to almost stop loathing plastic windowframes in pubs? And what do you call a run of non-sequiturs?

I had about £7 sterling left in my bank account and, before you judge me, after all the bills were paid and the boy had a new pair of secondhand shoes, and after the usual endless toll of housework-after-work, I decided to go loco and spend all my "spare" loot on ale in local pubs. You should do the same if you're ever in the same twist. What else are you going to do? Buy two "meal deals" from a chemist? I don't think so, chico.

We set off, pockets full of valued metal, my friend and I, amid the amber dying of a midsummer North Devon Saturday. The severe British recession, caused, I thought as I strolled cheerfully along, by a ludicrous and disgusting property bubble and its greedy spivs, had not abated since our last Adam's Ales investigation in Barnstaple, despite our government attempting to reinflate the ludicrous and disgusting property bubble by giving all our money to the greedy spivs who naffed it all up in the first place, and, as before, many pubs were half-empty; I don't think they will, alas, all survive the year.

We walked past a former dive by the riverfront which Wetherspoon's are refitting and turning into their second pub in the town. As I have mentioned before, Wetherspoon's will survive anything; they are unfailingly popular, like Tesco. What else is there to say?

INTERLUDE...I was once sleeping in a hot hovel, a bit like a cave, in Jerusalem, when a red beetle buzzed heavily on to my bed. I whacked it and slammed it with my boot but the biting creature was totally indestructible. That's not a non sequitur; that's a lesson from nature. The lesson is: even the insects are awkward in the holy land...INTERLUDE ENDS

Anyway, enough of those memories of the holy land. Pubs are where English men and women should be able to talk freely (as long as they aren't talking about house prices). At the risk of starting another interlude, imagine keeping a tally of the topics of conversation in North Devon pubs in one hour of one evening. It would provide unique anthropological data and a snapshot of our lives. Entry One: Wilshaw is condemning the idea of using homes as investment vehicles. Anyway, enough of those anthropological studies and interludes; they are nearly as relevant as the immortal beetles of Jerusalem. Back to the courgette.

Of course I always knew of the Windsor Arms in Bradiford, a village on the outskirts of town. I live nearby and have been past the place many times. I have always been struck by the plastic windowframes. Now I was forced to confront my irrational dislike of PVC windowframes in public houses, particularly old country alehouses.

I know, I know, I know. Plastic is cheaper, lasts longer, gives better weather protection, and pubs have hardly got any spare cash to lavish on wooden sash window frames. I know. I know I'm a bit of a fanatic when it comes to plastic windowframes in pubs. In short, I hate them as much as I would a PVC frame in the local Victorian church.

But, I will say this: the Windsor Arms is one of the best pubs around. It is a Proper Local, with character and decent beer, as well as a cosy and unpretentious decor and atmosphere, not to mention the superb shove ha'penny. You should go there without question, my friends. They had Barum on draft from the nearby Pilton brewery of the same name, as well as a refreshing and well-cellared scoop of London Pride. Depressingly, the pub was almost deserted when we arrived at peak drinking time. Was everyone in Wetherspoon's or drinking beer from Tesco at home? We also called in for one at the Corner House in the town centre, which, I am glad to say, was packed out in full 1970s-style boozer mode. I've written about that place before, so I won't go on. If you want to pretend you are in an episode of Life on Mars, it's the place for you. It's great.

And it's strange how things are not always as they might at first seem. The next day I looked in the fridge and just could not believe my peepers. There, as bold as busts of Blair and Bush on a brass bedpost, was a black banana on one shelf and a courgette on another. This could only be a lesson from nature and the lesson was...er, hang on...

The Windsor Arms, Bradiford, Barnstaple

Adam's Ale Rating: 4 out of 5

Drink This: Barum Original or London Pride