INTERLUDE: Where armchairs are used as dining chairs, and where no grace or rhythm interrupts the baleful mediocrity

If you are a cross-eyed lightbrain cretin with a gold medal in mediocrity, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If your head wobbles because your skull is crammed with blancmange rather than human brain, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you greedily swallow every line of lies ever dispensed by marketing chimps, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you worship at the altar of fashion, you will kneel with love under the bamboo parasols at Mambo in Taunton.

If you have intelligence and judgement the way wolves have mathematics and poetry, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you think Jeremy Clarkson improves things in general, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you think Foster's is good beer, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you are a quiffy great honk-faced mummy's boy with a belligerent manner and a stenchful sense of entitlement, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

If you think Tesco lasagne is better than sex, you will love Mambo in Taunton.

Indeed.

And a final thought:

When the guttersnipe poison pigeons look even more suicidal than usual and the natural exuberance of human optimism flails gnarled and angry and selfish, you know Summer 2008 has fallen like an itchy grey cloak about your ears, and you know you are in a McPub in Taunton.